Friday, July 30, 2010

my first possible triphasic chart

I know yesterday I was spewing on about not getting my hopes up. Well, talk to my temp! It was high again today, and if it is tomorrow I could have a triphasic chart. Not all triphasic charts end up in pregnancy, but a lot more of them do than don't! I'm trying to stay calm about it, but I just know if my temps are high again tomorrow I'm going to be excited!

Thursday, July 29, 2010

i'm at that point...

Well, I'm at the point in my cycle where I declare that I will NOT be peeing on any more sticks! This usually happens after a couple consecutive days of stark white BFNs. This time, however, my low quantity of HPTs is also playing into it. A while back I had ordered 50 Wondfo tests on Amazon for $11. Pretty good deal, and I figured 50 tests would certainly last me until I got my BFP! Boy, was I wrong! I am down to one more Wondfo and one Equate. I think I will refrain from wasting money on tests and just wait until AF is late. It will be tough, but worth saving the money and the disappointment.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

and once again, let down.

So yesterday morning I POAS and actually got a little something. I was cautiously getting excited, and throughout the day I couldn't help but to get my hopes up. This was the first cycle in however long that I actually had *a* symptom. So I get home and peeonastick, and leave the bathroom for the next few minutes. DH goes in there and gets in the shower. I wait about 5 minutes and head back in to check out the stick. DH usually doesn't pay much attention to me when I'm peeing on things, but this time he popped his head out of the shower and asked "Are there lines?". It broke my heart a little to tell him no.

This morning's test, just like yesterday afternoon's, was a stark white BFN. And just like normal, I'm feeling down. I know better than to get my hopes up, but I couldn't help it, as the test looked pretty promising. I'm assuming it was an evap, as I can't really decipher much color out of it.

Here is the evil test:


Monday, July 26, 2010

some updates!

So things are moving right along with our business venture! I have a meeting today with the Small Business Development Center here in town, and this week we will also meet with a local commercial property powerhouse and see what some options are for our location. Mom, sis and I have been talking about it non-stop since we had the idea!

Also, I am 7dpo today. I usually never have any symptoms, but I did have some AF-like cramps around 4dpo, but who know what that could mean! Besides that though, everything is just like normal. I'm trying to hold out on testing, but I'm thinking I may test tomorrow. Looking at my chart, there seems to be a dip on 6dpo, and I'm *hoping* that it's an implantation dip. If so, by tomorrow it should show up on a test. Here's to hoping!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

new business venture

So I haven't been focusing too much on TTC. Not sure if that's good or bad, but it's happening! I did O yesterday or the day before, and we had good timing so there's always that chance, right?

My mom, sister, and I are going to start a catering business/deli. I have been pouring over the internet, searching for locations, information on starting a business, etc. It's so overwhelming, yet so exciting at the same time!

I really hope it works out! :)

Thursday, July 15, 2010

eek!

So I remembered that AF will be here during the scheduled surgery date. So I called the doc's office and they wanted to reschedule the surgery for the following Friday at the same time. So my new surgery will be on Friday the 13th...!!!

I'm doomed!! ;)

pre-op appointment

So I had my appointment this morning. I was actually scheduled for the appointment on Tuesday afternoon. I went to the doctor's office for my 3:45 appointment, and got called up at 4:15 only to learn that my doctor had been called out for a delivery. I know it is no one's fault (except that damn newborns!! JK!), but it's the second time in a row I've had issues at the office. So they rescheduled my appointment for 9 a.m. this morning, and thankfully it worked out!

So about my appointment. Apparently the abnormal cells cover a large portion of my cervix. They don't go down too deep apparently, but it's just a wide section. So they will do the LEEP procedure, which entails a wire with an electric current through it that burns off the cells. Instead of having the procedure just in the doc's office, it will be at the hospital and my doctor recommended me being put to sleep. I wasn't really expecting that, but she thinks it's best because it's such a large area and it tends to freak people out because I guess after they burn it or w/e there is a weird smell and stuff... idk. So my surgery is Friday, August 6th at 7:30 am, and I have to be there at 5:30. So much for my beauty sleep!

There are some risks that include infertility, but they are quite small. The other option is that I could do the cold knife cone biopsy or something, but she said there are more risks with that one and she prefers the LEEP surgery. She said no sex for 2 weeks after and that we can start TTC again whenever we want. However, because they will be removing some glands on my cervix that produce CM, it may not work for 2 months or so until the glands grow back and enable the CM to be produced again. I told her it doesn't work normally, so what's the difference? Lol.

All in all it was a good appointment, I'm just a little tiny bit freaked out about the anesthesia b/c I've never had any before. But DH will be there with me and I told him to make sure I wake up. And he said that if I don't wake up he will run in there and inject himself with a needle in the neck and join me, lol. It is morbid, but made me laugh. So yeah, that's the latest with me. Oh, and they will do a preg test on that morning to make sure that I'm not preg, and if I am we will postpone the surgery.

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

crazy dream!

So last night I had a dream that people were after me, trying to kill me. I rarely remember dreams, but I would say that when I do, about half of the time they are about someone trying to kill me. What is that about?

So in this dream, me and a group of faceless people were running from some bad people that were trying to kill me. I don't know if they were trying to kill me and all the faceless people, or just me, or what. But we had automatic weapons and it was pretty much like an action movie. The weird thing is, I have had this exact dream before. So at one point, while I was hiding and waiting for the bad guy to find me, I knew what was going to happen because I had the dream before. I was telling myself in the dream what to do, because I knew what moves the bad guy was going to make.

So weird! I never did get caught and/or killed, but I hate having dreams like that. I need to find out what those kind of dreams mean.

Monday, July 12, 2010

I've been slacking!

I haven't posted in a week or more on here! I had a hectic week last week, and coupled with not much going on TTC-wise left me with not much to post about!

AF is finally over and done with, and I have my appointment tomorrow with my doctor to discuss the surgery. I am fairly certain she will want us to hold off from TTC this month, but I will ask just in case. I think I will also be asking her if I can start Clomid after the surgery. She wanted to give me a couple months on the Metformin alone, but I'm tired of waiting! I never said I was a patient person.

Oh, and my mom just called me. For some reason, she is insisting upon going with me to this appointment. I really don't know why. It's pretty sweet that she does, but also a bit odd. Sometimes she stresses me out, and it's not like I'm a child or teenager who needs their mother to accompany them to the doctor! But it will be nice for moral support if nothing else.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Lucky ones we all, til it is over

I'm tired of being down about TTC! Yesterday after work, DH did a great job of cheering me up. And I put some things in perspective.

  • I don't have cancer! So getting rid of these bad cells before they can morph into anything worse is a great thing for my body!
  • There are people that have been TTC longer than me. Even though it feels like forever in my mind, it really hasn't been.
  • There is nothing medically wrong with me (that has been found at least!) in regards to TTC. Unexplained infertility is all they can give me, and for right now I'm chalking that up to bad luck. (Or is it chocking?)
  • I have the most wonderful husband I could ever dream of having. He is incredibly supportive and can make me laugh pretty much on command. He is my rock, my anchor, my everything. If we were never able to have children, I would always have him by my side, and that is a very comforting fact.
  • I have an incredibly supportive family, both my side and DH's side. We are very lucky, and I know this.

Ok, well I just wanted to let any readers out there know that even though this is a tough journey, I am going to make a conscious effort to not let it get the best of me. The positive me is way more fun than the negative me!

Thursday, July 1, 2010

This day is defeating me.

Why are all my posts so emo?? Well, my doctor called today. She wants to do surgery to remove the level 2 cells (??) that she found on the biopsy. The other place ended up only being level 1, and she said that my body *should* get rid of it on its own.

During my last appointment, right after she did the colposcopy and biopsy, she talked to me a bit about what she saw. She thought it looked like level 2. She told me then that 60-70% of the time your body will get rid of level 2 cells (?? still not sure if that's the right word to be using?) on its own. I wonder why the change of tune all of the sudden? I guess I will find out in about 2 weeks when I go in to meet with her to discuss the surgery. She said something about the level 2 being in my DNA or something?? I have no idea what that meant.

I just feel like nothing can go right for us. This day is defeating me.
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