Friday, April 29, 2011

My pretty girlie!

Kelsey spam! She is 10 months old!

Kelsey playing tug of war with her half-sister-cousin, Roxy.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Baby names.

"Then we tried to name our babies
But we forgot all the names that
The names we used to know"

Right now, Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels) by Arcade Fire is playing on my Pandora. The above quoted lyrics make me sad and wistful of that time when I knew exactly what I wanted to name my future babies. I signed up at babynames.com, made my list, and was excited to be able to use it someday soon.

Fast-forward to today. I have forgotten so many of the names I once chose. I will think of a good one, and then I lose it. There's really no sense in my hanging on to the names at this point.

Perhaps someday.

I'll have a shot of sperm over dry ice, please


 Oh, what a day.

Buster stayed home from work in order to wait for the Fed Ex delivery of dry ice. He then was to produce a "sample", put it in the vials, package it in the dry ice and ship it back out. 10:41 rolls around, and no dry ice. So I call Reprosource (the company handling our infertility testing) and they inform me that there was apparently some kind of tornado or something and the package is in Memphis, TN.

So glad Buster stayed home from work...

They are sending out another batch of dry ice, and this one will supposedly arrive tomorrow morning by 10:30. I sure hope so! Not only because Buster is staying home in order to handle (lol, get it?!) this, but also because poor Buster will have been abstinent for 3 days tomorrow! Poor fella! :)

_______________________


I had some spur-of-the-moment stuff to do at work today, that needed to be done ASAP. If you recall, my co-worker/team-lead of my group stole my computer a couple weeks ago. Well, because the computer they gave me only has 4GB of RAM (compared to the 20GB I had before), my video card likes to shit the bed while I'm working in Photoshop. This happened right as I was finishing up the last of my project. My computer blue-screened on me and then rebooted. Oh, lovely. I'm so over this computer shit at work!!!

_______________________


I found out first thing this morning that my brother's great friend was shot twice last night. One shot hit him in the arm, the other in the stomach, hitting both his liver and small intestines. They are trying to get him stable enough to get into surgery, but as of yet have been unsuccessful.

Please keep Marlan in your thoughts, if you would be so kind.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

hurricane

 
So for some reason, my work decided to unblock Blogger! Yay!! I can now post at work, and comment on blogs again. I'm pretty excited about that :)

Today I had yet another Weight Watchers meeting. After getting my "10 lb ribbon" last week, I successfully gained a pound and a half. Oh joy. Gotta love emotional eating due to a traumatic Easter!

This week I am vowing to get back on track. I NEED to write down everything I eat, so I can be accountable. I NEED to exercise 3 times this week (at least! But hey, who am I kidding??! I don't want to set my goals too lofty...). I NEED to make dinners this week, instead of opting for the easy choice (which is somehow always really bad for me).

I assumed that, at my WW meeting, I was safe from the reminders of my inadequacies in the reproductive department. Nope. The lady who sits next to me mentioned how wonderful her weekend was, because her niece is 16 weeks pregnant! She put her u/s picture in a digital photo frame, and grandma said, "Why do you have a photo of a hurricane??"

Cute, right?

I'm sure it's really cute if you are not a bitter old pessimist, like me. Luckily no one really cared too much about her news, and the topic passed quickly.

______________________

I keep thinking about "unexplained infertility" and how positively lucky I am to have won such a prize in the fertility lottery (please note the sarcasm). Unexplained infertility is awful. Because there is "nothing" wrong with me, everyone around me assumes that we just need to keep on trying, or relax, or drink some kind of tea, or have more sex, and we will magically become pregnant. And maybe we would. Someday. But just maybe.

______________________

I'm incredibly saddened and devastated for my great friend Aubre. After getting positive betas and pee sticks, seeing her little bean on an u/s and seeing the heart flickering away, she has lost her baby. She has a D&C scheduled for tomorrow, and I know she would appreciate any kind words.

Monday, April 25, 2011

An infertile's mine field.

"You have to just look at it like it's a sick joke at this point," Buster said, trying to keep me calm, sane, rational. It didn't really do the trick.

Big news flash here, but yesterday was Easter! And I'm going to be honest here, I'm not a fan of church. I am scarred from experiences when I was younger when we were "forced" to go with my crazy grandparents (who told my sister she would be going to hell because she's a lesbian, and that they don't "run with queers"... who says that???? And it's not like my sister was asking them to do a fucking 5k with her or something!). My grandparents are the type of people who donate TONS of money to their church, and will also be the first to tell you how much they have donated. It's unsettling, to be honest. I could write a book about the effed up relationships in my family, but I am meandering far from my point here, so moving along...

Buster and I went to church with the in-laws for Easter. Not because we wanted to, but because we know how happy it makes MIL. Buster's brother and his wife do not go. They don't often feel the need to make sacrifices for others happiness, especially when it comes to my in-laws. So, Buster plays good son and we go to church.

As many of you probably know, church on Easter Sunday is filled with babies and children in cute clothes. For an infertile, it's a mine field. No matter which direction you turn, no matter where you walk, you are face to face with some reminder of what you don't have. What you are unable to do.

MIL not only invited us to church, but two of her nephews, their significant others, and a whole mess of their kids. Six kids under six, to be more specific. All beautiful, blonde-haired, blue-eyed children. They are sweet kids, and I do not begrudge their existence in the least.

However, watching MIL laugh with them and coo over them was difficult. I cannot even express in words how I want so badly for her to be oogling over her own grandbaby, not these substitute grandchildren.

So the combination of me not wanting to be there and the gobs of adorable children around really affected my mood. Then the sermon starts. Sing songs, say hi to your neighbor, blah blah. The preacher gets up and asks if anyone has good news they'd like to share. It's quiet for a few minutes, and then a lady raises her hand.

"We are expecting our third child! Due in November," says the random fertile. She is all smiles. Everyone ooohs and ahhhhs and applauds. Oh how lovely. I wanted to raise my hand and tell them how it's National Infertility Awareness Week. I don't have the balls, however.

So we continue on with the service. The preacher gets in to his main act which is basically telling the congregation to look for Jesus in every day life and in people. Then he really goes for the gold. He walks down off the stage/pulpit/whatever and walks up to the first row. He grabs up a little tiny baby, dressed in frilly pink with a giant flower on a white headband attached to her head.

"Do you see Jesus in this little precious baby? Oh I love the fuzziness of baby hair. How precious is this little gift? Do you see Jesus here?"

Did I see Jesus there? Nope. I saw failures and questions and no answers and the loss of hope.

He walks around and makes a random guy stand up, and talks about how Random Guy always smiles and is friendly to everyone. He does the whole "Do you see Jesus in Random Guy?" thing. Then he walks back another row.

This time, he finds a young woman and asks her to stand up. She is amazingly pregnant. Beautiful pregnant belly. She is glowing. He pats her belly, and talks about the precious gift, etc. I actually started tuning out his words, as my eyes were stinging from fresh hot tears.

This is when Buster tells me that it's ok, and that it's just a sick joke. You know what? It was a sick joke. It's both sick AND a joke that this is what I've become. So easily bristled by anything having to do with babies and pregnancy.

We left church in silence. I had nothing to say after that debacle.

After church I stopped home to change and headed over to the in-laws to help get brunch out. The 6 under 6 were there, and MIL was running around trying to keep them occupied and happy. She looked at me and said while laughing, "Are ya sure you want kids?"

Sigh.

"Yep. Not sure if we will be so lucky, though."

Then I walked inside. I know she was probably just trying to lighten it up for me and make me feel better. But all it did was make me feel worse.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Happy ICLW!

After a couple months off from ICLW, I'm back in the swing of things!

Welcome to any new readers, and hi again to my ol' faithfuls.

Brief summary of my TTC situation: My husband (Buster) and I have been trying for 4 years. We've done 7 medicated cycles, and I've taken the following drugs (NOT simultaneously!): Clomid, Femara/Letrozole, Bravelle, Follistim, Menopur, Ovidrel, other hCG triggers and progesterone. That's not counting any OTC vitamins and such. We have done 4 medicated IUI cycles, all BFN. My last IUI was canceled due to me having 8 mature follicles. My (former) RE is a douche. I have been "diagnosed" with unexplained infertility, but after a phone consult with Dr. Sher, I am having several tests done and hope to find a reason for my struggles. I have never been pregnant. No miscarriages, no chemicals, no nothing. Especially no baby (unless you count my 9 month old Golden Retriever Kelsey!). We are now facing IVF, and this testing is basically a pre-cursor to that.

Ok, now that I got that out of the way...

I am seeing my first concert in probably 8 years tonight! I am soooo excited! Not only is it one of my favorite bands (possibly my favorite), but it's an old theater downtown Pittsburgh!


So yes, I am really, super excited. I went and used up the rest of gift card I had burning a hole in my wallet and got a cute outfit to wear. I want to stop and get a 6-pack on the way there and chug a couple beers in the car before we go in. Yes, I'm classy, I know!

That's all I have for today, so I will leave you with my favorite Decemberists song. My blog is titled after a line in this song. I reallllllllllly hope they play it tonight!! FX :)

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Well I want a better place or just a better way to fall



Do bad things just keep happening to me? Or does it just seem like that, because I focus on the bad and I can't focus on the good?

How do you focus on the good? Are there steps that must be taken? Is there a book I can read? A website? Help!

Today we took the Jeep to get the window fixed. They were replacing the window and the regulator (Mount up?! Warren G joke? No? Fine!). I asked them to please check the front brakes as well, because I have to press really hard to brake, and it makes me nervous. If I was ever in a slam-on-my-brakes situation, I can't guarantee that I wouldn't hit the car/pedestrian/groundhog/pregnant woman (KIDDING!) in front of me.

I get a call several hours later. Good news! The regulator did not need replaced, so instead of the estimated $475 to fix the window, it was only $315. Yay!

But...

Bad news! The front brakes desperately need replaced, along with the rotors (which are rusted). So, that's another $350 or so. Awesome. I love dropping lots of money on a "new" car.

So after that phone call, I go back to my desk. I get a request for a file to be sent to a co-worker. I go to open up my "projects" folder on my external hard drive. Um... it's missing. Not there. This contains ALL of my files for work. All of them. It looks like either a power outage or a frozen computer somehow corrupted my external hard drive in the past couple of days (on Friday that projects file was there).

So, I'm running a data rescue software right now, hoping it will find the missing folder. If so, I (or my office...?) will have to purchase the program so I can get my folder back. I'm actually kind of in shock about it. I'm hoping after the 15 hour scan on the 8TB (yes, terabytes) of space, my folder shows up. If not, I really don't know what I'll do. I can send it away to the company to try to restore the files, but that will cost $1200 or so (because there are 4 actual hard drives in the external drive).

Bleh.

Also, it seems like everyone is pregnant. Or has a baby. I am surrounded by them again. And I just can't take it right now.

We are not trying this month. I'm not sure Buster knows that, but I am not going to worry about trying. I am more focused on getting these tests done and trying to figure out a cause, rather than riding this fucking roller coaster any longer. I just want off. So I'm stepping off of it for a month. It will be so weird to not be disappointed when AF arrives...


_______________________

The title of today's post is brought to you by Modest Mouse! Here is the song, Bukowski:

Monday, April 18, 2011

My consultation with Dr. Sher

Friday night was my consult with Dr. Sher. He called me at about 7 EST, and we talked for an hour and a half! Well, he talked. I listened and learned.

I will try to summarize this as best I can, but forgive me if I get long-winded (does that saying even work when typing?). It really felt like a year of medical school crammed into an hour and a half. He just rained his knowledge down on me, and I really probably only absorbed 10% or so, but even with that, I feel much more enlightened than I did previously.
 
In short, he thinks it is likely that I have Diminished Ovarian Reserve, or that I have difficulty responding to injectibles. And those may in fact be linked together. Also, I really realized what a tool my previous RE was.

At first I was surprised that he thought I was under responding. I mean, I had 8 mature follicles last time, right?! Well, he was baffled by several things. One, that my estradiol was so low (it was 975). It should have been over 2000. That shows that my eggs weren't very good quality. Also, he said in all of his years of doing this, he's never seen a woman get pregnant having less than 7 days of stimulation (injects). My last cycle I had 6. Basically, the longer you stim, the better quality eggs you are getting. He said that he would have expected me to have 15 or more eggs with that protocol I was on last time, not 8.

He believes that even though my FSH levels were normal the one time I had them tested a couple years ago, that my LH and FSH levels are out of whack. If that's the case, all of these medicated cycles I have done (seven in total) have been pointless. Clomid, Femara and Menopur all raise LH levels considerably. I was doomed from the start with those! (If his theory is true, that is). 

If I were his patient, he would use the agonist antagonist protocol on me, which would include:
  • Birth control pills (to lower FSH & LH)
  • Lupron (the agonist)
  • Stims + Lupron and/or Ganirelix (blocks pituitary gland from producing LH & FSH)
  • FSH (Follistim preferably) + 1/2 vial of Menopur (for some LH)
  • Continue the above until 2 follicles are greater than 18mm, and half of the others are above 10 or 15mm (I can't recall exactly what he said!)
  • 10,000 iu hCG trigger shot or double dose of Ovidrel (He was very insistent on explaining that the normal one dose of Ovidrel, 250mg, is not enough to be effective. According to Dr. Sher, it requires a double dose of Ovidrel to work).

He doesn't like the "diagnosis" of unexplained infertility. He definitely thinks there is an explanation, it's just a matter of finding it. He sent Buster and I lab work to have the following tests completed:

  • APA (antiphospholipid antibodies) Report 1.0 Expanded Panel (ACA/aCL, APhL, aB-GPI, aPE, aPS, aPA, aPG, aPl)
  • AMH (anti-mullerian hormone)
  • NK (natural killer cells) Activation w/ Intralipid & IVIg
  • Advanced Semen Report 2.0 (SDFA [Sperm DNA Fragmentation Assay] and OSA [Oxidative Stress Adduct])
  • CD3 FSH, Estradiol & LH
After I send these away and we get the results, I will have a follow-up consultation with Dr. Sher to discuss them, and what my next step should be.

I'd like the next step to be IVF with Dr. Sher, but if I go with him I'd have to spend 12 days in Vegas, and I won't have the vacation time until next year. I may be able to do it sooner if I opt for a clinic closer to home. Those decisions are still up in the air, though, until I get the test results back.  


_________________________________


Some other interesting points from my consultation with Dr. Sher:
  • Dr. Sher informed me that, when taking fertility medication, women who ovulate normally and on their own are NOT at risk for multiples. Women who do not ovulate on their own are the ones with increased risk of multiples (i.e. Kate Gosselin). From what I understood of his explanation, women (like me) who ovulate on their own, their body is already accustomed to the idea of having one dominant/lead follicle. The rest fall behind. When a woman who does not ovulate properly is on fertility meds, her body does not know which follicle should be the dominant, so many lead follicles emerge. I am really tempted to call my RE and divulge this little nugget of wisdom.
  • Dr. Sher asked if I had had a post-coital test performed. I told him no, that my RE said there is differing opinions on how effective the test is. Dr. Sher responded with, "Oh, come on..." He didn't like that at all! 
  • He mentioned that, in his 27+ years in this business, he has NEVER seen a successful pregnancy in a patient who stimmed for less than 7 days. Apparently the longer you stim, the better the egg quality. My last cycle, I stimmed for 6 days. What a waste of time/money/effort/emotions!!!!






Friday, April 15, 2011

Just trying to stay afloat. And sane. Sanely afloat.

It certainly has been a week. This week must have spawned in the dark depths of Hell. Yes, that kind of week.

But, before I divulge this shitstorm to you, I think it's imperative to mention that I have stayed amazingly positive and calm (kind of...?) this week. I am trying my best to focus on the good things coming up. So, here is a list of things I am looking forward to:

  • Phone consult with Dr. Sher TODAY! He is supposed to be calling me between 5:30 and 8:30 EST. Is it bad that I don't have a list of questions or anything? The one question I do have, I'm not sure if it's appropriate to ask. Basically, I want to know if he thinks I would be as successful going somewhere (anywhere?) else as I would be if I went with him. The main reason I'm wondering this is because there has been no medical diagnosis regarding our inability to conceive. I realize that just because there hasn't been one yet doesn't mean there isn't one. I feel like I'm really rambling here, with no real point. So on to my next +...
  • Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part One comes out today on DVD!! Buster and I have a Best Buy gift card leftover from Christmas, so we will be heading up to BB after work to pick up the goods! I also have a coupon for a free chips & queso at Chili's so we will go there for an early dinner (I want to be back home for my consult, after all!).
  • On Sunday, HBO's newest series starts. I would probably be excited regardless, but I am SUPER excited for Game of Thrones. I have read the first 3 books in the series of which it is based off of, and am currently reading the fourth. It's an amazing series, and I am beyond excited for HBO's adaptation.
  • In less than a week from today, Buster and I will be trekking to Pittsburgh for a concert! I haven't been to a concert in... well, I don't even know how long. It's embarrassing, really, given how much I love my music. We will be seeing The Decemberists!!! I've never seen them live. I know it will be magical.
  • I have a new patient consultation at a fertility clinic on May 9th. This clinic is about an hour and a half away from me, but they accept my insurance and have evening and Saturday hours. I am excited to hear not only Dr. Sher's opinions, but this doctor's as well. I'm really hoping that I connect with at least one of them. They HAVE to be better than my previous RE, right??!!! 
So good stuff! I love having things to look forward to.

_______________________

And now for the shitstorm....

Kelsey has been going through what I think is her "adolescent chewing" phase. Sure, she teethed when she was a pup, but she got better. She was so good, in fact, that we got to the point where we were able to leave her out of her crate while we were away.

One day, early last week, Buster came home to find this:
Beautiful carnage, in the form of a suede peep-toe.

Bummer. It was my only good pair of brown pumps! I loved those shoes! So, we realized we needed to start crating her again during the day. Sometimes I ask my brother to let her out at lunchtime if I know I can't make it over there on a weekday. Well, he let her out, but didn't realize he needed to put her back in the crate (because he had been used to just leaving her in the house). I realized that I didn't specifically tell him to put her back in the crate, so I call him and ask him to go back down and put her in the crate. An hour had passed since he had let her out. He found this:

They were once stylish, I assure you!
I'm blind as a bat, mind you. -6.00 and -5.50. I rely on those glasses, heavily. I like to spend an hour or two reading my Kindle before bed, and by that time of night my contacts are like sandpaper in my eyes. So now, I am holding the Kindle about 2 inches from my face so I can read at night, lol. It's got to make for an amusing sight. Buster told me to stop, because it can't be good for my eyes. Um, HELLO. I'm legally blind here!

So I have to get new glasses. I have to pay for those high-index lenses (which means they thin them out so you aren't wearing coke bottles), plus the frames... we are looking at a couple hundred dollars. Just hate to have such an expense that easily could have been avoided. It's my own fault, I know, but I'm still bummed!

The next day, after the glasses incident, I went to an eye exam at Walmart (classy!). I left there without ordering frames/lenses because they did not in fact take my insurance (like they told me over the phone...).

Now, the next part of the story happens directly after leaving Walmart, but I really feel like I need to preface it with some background. Ever since we bought the Jeep, we've had an issue with the driver's side window being a little out of alignment. Because of that, it doesn't always roll down, or up. I had been meaning to call the dealership, but I hadn't (dumb, I know). So when I had gone in to Walmart, I couldn't get the window to go up any more, so I left it. It was down about 3 inches. I leave Walmart, hop on the interstate, and try to roll it up again because the wind was really coming in. Of course it's not budging. But I happen to glance at the window, and it's all cracked in the corner where the door meets the window (by the side view mirror)! Spider web of cracks. Ugh.

I call the dealer, they tell me it's an insurance thing. I say no, because the window was broken when I got the vehicle, and the cracks are the direct result of that. They say they will split it with me 70/30 (them paying 30%, me paying 70%). Jerks. So yeah, we have that issue to deal with.

I get back to work, and my co-worker who is located at our other site shows up at my office. He tells me (without any advance warning!) that he is here to take my computer. He is our team leader, and decided that a new hire at the other site needs my computer because it is the best and most powerful one, and that guy is going to be doing 3D animation. I know it makes sense, but I hate that I have to give away my stuff. Plus, my co-worker/team leader/jerkface sat here the whole time and I was so rushed and nervous trying to back up all my files! Plus I wanted to clear my browsing history and all that fun stuff. I don't need some 22 year old douche knowing that I struggle with infertility. Or anything else about me, for that matter!

And on top of all this... we are dog/house sitting for our friends while they are in Vegas. They also have a Golden Retriever, and her name is Roxy. She.is.the.devil. Seriously. She's crazy. Poor Kelsey gets abused over there! It's awful. I think I got 3 or 4 hours of sleep last night, tops. Kelsey was pacing, Roxy was whining. It was awful. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm ready for this weekend to be over!!!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

More giveaways!

Julia over at Just Relax is having a giveaway! She has 3 great prizes, so head on over there and check it out!! :)

My life (or lack of being able to give life) in a manilla envelope

As I have previously mentioned, I have a phone consultation with Dr. Sher this Friday. I contacted my doctor's office last week to see if they would fax my records. I had to go in to sign a form. While there, I told the nice receptionist my burgeoning plans for a possible IVF soonish in Las Vegas with Dr. Sher.

She was very understanding as to why I am throwing in the towel with my RE. She knows he has horrible bedside manner, and that many patients of his do not return due to his poor social skills. In my packet of paperwork from the Sher Institute, there was one page in particular that had a lot of tests listed and wanted me t fill in the date, results, etc. I do not know all of that stuff, so I showed it to the receptionist and she offered to fill it out for me and fax it!!! What a sweetheart! I couldn't believe it.

She also sent me, free of charge (and probably against their procedures) a copy of my records there. It is a big, fat, thick manilla envelope.

Buster and I ran out to the Post Office when I got home from work today. We also were going to Sheetz to get gas and Buster wanted some hot dogs (If you don't have a Sheetz where you are, you should just cry now. The BEST convenience store. Ever.). We went to the PO first, so while Buster filled up the tank and got his gourmet dinner, I sat alone in the car, rain pouring down, reading my records.

It was incredibly depressing. I mean, yes, I knew what kinds of things would be in there. But reading them, one page after another, was overwhelming. Seeing page after page of wasted appointments and failed cycles really left me shaken.

Is that my life in summary? 75 pages of things that failed and a bunch of non-answers? In the back of my head, somewhere, I know that my life cannot be defined by my lack of a child. But it's so hard to separate my life from my lack of being able to give life.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Positivity, a giveaway, couponing, and The Black Swan

Today, I vow to stop being sad. I have mourned the pregnancy(ies) that have never happened, I have mourned for the baby we have yet to make. I have mourned the absence of a compassionate, caring doctor. Now, I'm done.

Buster tries to get me to focus on the good. It's really difficult for me, though. I'm a glass half-empty kind of girl. I think I need to buy a self-help book. Something to really get me looking in the right direction.

After a long talk yesterday, Buster and I are postponing IVF until next summer. We want to get some credit cards and a car loan paid off before we take on $10k+ more in debt. Which, I think everyone can agree, is a wise decision. I know it's a wise decision. I still took it hard. I cried, a lot. But I feel at peace with that decision now.

No more stressing about TTC, for a while at least. Yes, we are going to continue to try naturally, and maybe we'll get a miracle. But, if not, I won't be disappointed because I'm not expecting it.

I am keeping the appointment on Friday with Dr. Sher, because I'm interested to hear what he has to say, especially in regards to someone (like myself) with unexplained infertility. I'm hoping I will know after that appointment if he is the doctor I want to go with. But, like Buster says, we have time. No need to rush to a decision.

____________________

Lindsay at Waiting for That Positive is having a giveaway! Some OPK sticks and a pair of super-cute bird earrings!! Check it out! She is a really inspiring blogger. I love how she posts lists of positive things in her life. It makes me realize the positive things in my own life.

____________________

So I'm assuming most of you have seen or heard about that Extreme Couponing show on TLC. I've not seen it, but it seems to be a craze, especially on the pregnancy & motherhood forums. I am thinking of foraying into couponing a bit, but I'm a little afraid because I think I have slight hoarding tendencies. I don't want to end up with 45 tubes of toothpaste just because they were on sale! But nonetheless, I'm setting up my printer today and might take a gander at some Walgreens and CVS coupons, and see what I can get for basically nothing.

Since Buster and I decided to pay off some bills prior to IVF, I think it can only help if I could save a few bucks (or more) on our weekly grocery bills!

____________________

We (finally) watched Black Swan last night! I've been wanting to see it forever, but we never got around to seeing it in the theater. I loved it! It was creepy, yes. A bit disturbing as well, but lovely all the same. I love Natalie Portman. Ever since I saw her rocking out to the Shins in Garden State, she can do no wrong in my book!

Thursday, April 7, 2011

That familiar place.

We cannot even fertilize a single egg out of 8 mature follicles. Today is CD1.

We are taking a break from medicated cycles and procedures until at least after our beach trip in July. After that, we are pursuing IVF.

I was basically devastated yesterday. I was very sad and depressed and mopey and cranky and just... awful. Today is a new day. I'm looking forward to a TTC-stress-free 3+ months. I'm hopeful for what is yet to come.

I am vowing to never return to my current RE, even though it makes the most sense financially and logistically. I will have to travel to find a new clinic. And if I'm traveling, I am going to make it worth my while. I am going to find somewhere that I have an actual connection with the doctor. That is my biggest factor. Well, that factor is tied with the financial aspect, as I have no insurance coverage for IVF (even though all of my fertility drugs were 80% covered by my insurance, including Bravelle, Menopur & Follistim).

I have a phone consultation with Dr. Sher from the Sher Institute on Friday the 15th. I have placed several calls to many clinics, all over the country. I will continue to do so until I find the perfect place and the perfect doctor.

Any advice on clinics/docs would be appreciated!
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