Friday, June 19, 2015

After 9 days of stims...

I want to stab someone.

Anyone.


I always think I can keep my emotions in check. I can rise above the hormones.

I am wrong, always.

Fuck this noise. I hate IVF. I don't want to do it anymore.

Tuesday, March 31, 2015

The Nursery

So, here I am.

I dropped off the face of the blogging world, as I really had nothing interesting to say. Only tortured artists produce the best work, right? Or at least in my case.

But I'm back here, fighting the good fight. In a slightly different way.

Yes, I have Henry, the love of my life. He's so amazing! And big. He turned 2 several months ago. And we've been trying for another baby for 15 months or so.

I found out, while pregnant with Henry, that my new insurance covered three rounds of IVF. I was so incredibly certain that three rounds was overkill, and I would only need one. After all, it only took one official round (which included three frozen transfers) to become pregnant, stay pregnant, and have my little man.

But as it typically goes in this infertility hell, our first two rounds of insurance-covered IVF cycles have not worked. We've had two fresh transfer, one frozen transfer. Transferred five embryos total. Had two chemicals (one that just wouldn't give up... slow rising betas... WHILE I WAS ON VACATION).

I thought my local clinic could handle us. I switched from my awful RE to the younger RE in the practice. He is friendly and helpful, and makes me feel comfortable. But, unfortunately, I don't think he's experienced enough to deal with my non-diagnosis and mysterious infertility.

So, with my last covered IVF cycle, we are switching clinics. Going to Shady Grove. Hoping that this is the answer.

In the interim, I have a dilemma. What on earth do I do with the nursery furniture?

Henry's big boy furniture will be here next week. His nursery furniture is super heavy. So, we decided to move the guest room furniture out of the guest room and down to the basement, and use the guest room for Henry's big boy room. And keep the nursery as is. Because, you know, I'd be pregnant any time now.

But I'm not pregnant. And haven't even had my first appointment with Shady Grove.

So, we can be those people. The ones who have a nursery set up for an imaginary baby. Even if I cycle in the coming months at Shady Grove, and it works, there won't be a baby for a year from now, most likely.

We have guests coming to stay with us next month. Are we really going to make them sleep in the basement when we have an unused room, just housing baby furniture?

This nursery furniture is stressing me out.

Henry's big boy room!

And some spam of my big boy, all taken in the past two weeks.





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