Monday, June 18, 2012

the three week wait

I am currently in the midst of a torturous three week wait. Absolutely torturous.

My last doctor's appointment was a week ago. That's when I was released from my RE. I saw my OB that day, and scheduled my next appointment, which is on July 3rd. I will be 12 weeks pregnant, and will be having my NT scan.

And that day is still two weeks away.

Morbid questions such as, "Is my baby still alive?" keep running through my head.

Today, I've pretty much decided there is no way I can sanely make it until July 3rd. Perhaps tomorrow I'll feel differently. Or on a day when I have more distraction. So far, my Monday morning has been pretty distraction-less, which always causes my mind to race.

So what's a girl to do? How did you stay sane in the beginning? Or did you?

And yet another early pregnancy conundrum:

We are going to my cousin's wedding this weekend. It is my side of the family, and I am quite close with all of them (even though they live all over the country). I will be almost 11 weeks pregnant.

Do I tell them?

If I had a doctor's appointment this week, and saw the baby alive and well, there would be no doubt in my mind that I would tell my family. Alas, I have no such doctor's appointment.

I know I'm going to want to tell them. They know we've been trying for years. Some of them even know about our loss (not from me, but my mom told her sister, who told my cousins, etc). Shit, some of them might already know I'm pregnant!

I'm just torn. Buster says to wait until 12 weeks to tell people. Well, it's only one week earlier than 12 weeks. Plus, it's not his family.

Sigh. Early pregnancy is quite stressful!

22 comments:

  1. Quite stressful... understatement of the year lol.
    I didn't stop freaking out during the first tri. Hell, I'm still freaking out now and only have what... 8 more weeks to go.
    I wish I could tell you something that I did to magically make the weeks go by, but pfft... no. Just try not to drive yourself crazy is as good as it's gonna get from me lol.

    As for telling your family. That's really up to you. Do you think your cousin would be upset if you did tell people on his/her wedding day?

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  2. I am in the same boat as you!!
    I have super morbid thoughts running through my head.
    You have been lucky enough to see your little one more times then I have.
    We have seen the little one once, at 7 weeks.
    I've been living in torture since May 30th. Yes, 19 days of driving myself insane.
    My husband and doctors keep saying all my symptoms are great signs.
    It doesn't offer me any relief, I promise you that!
    And we have already told his mom and dad and plan on telling his grandma tonight.
    I'm so nervous I could puke.
    I thought about telling my husband we have to go to the ER and seeing if I could get a sneak peek.
    But that just scares me, too.
    My husband says everything is fine and I have no reason to have any fears or worries.
    Yeah! Live a day in my head!

    I'm just rolling with it.
    Although I am not telling my family until June 28th that is when we have our doctors appointment and ultra sound, I'll feel tons more comfortable.

    I saw go with your gut, I know easier said then done.
    I'm rooting for you!!

    Also if you figure out a way to distract yourself, please feel free to share!! I've tried everything.
    Oh fyi - don't get a fetal doppler!!! It offers ZERO reassurance!

    HUGS!

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  3. I totally understand. I think the longest I've waited so far was only two weeks. The OB wanted me to wait from week 8 until the 12 week scan and by week 10, there was NO WAY I was going to make it that long. I had to travel for work, so i just wanted to make sure everything was okay before I left. I called my RE and she fit me in for a quick appointment to check things out at 10 weeks. I was SO happy I did, it was probably my best ultrasound becuase there were neat developments to see, and it just made me feel worlds better. Also, she made me feel totally comfortable and admitted she would also be in to get ultrasounds all the time if it were her. It was a quick appt. that they charged as 1st trimester OB, so it only cost $36 dollars out of pocket. I felt way more secure after that and if you are wavering on telling your family at the wedding, I would definitely go get a quick ultrasound.

    Also, if you feel anything like me, it would have been hard to be at a wedding and feeling not so good and tired, so I'd rather just tell people. 11 weeks is sooo close to 12 :)

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  4. If the wait is torture go to an ultrasound clinic and get an ultrasound :) It'll cost $50 usually but you get an 45m-hour of time with your LO :)

    On a plus side, you're getting your next U/S at the docs office on my birthday! I will SO be stalking on my day off ;) hehe

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  5. The wait in the beginning is indeed tortuous. Just stay as busy and occupied as you possibly can. The nerves never go away, it's just a version of it always. I still whip out the doppler regularly and am paranoid about feeling enough movement. I'm with Buster on waiting, however difficult, but your call... Good luck passing the time!

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  6. I would wait on telling. Simply because you don't want to steal the happy couple's thunder. Not that they wouldn't be excited for you, but it is "their day".

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  7. In the beginning it is so tough. I hope your baby starts kicking very early, that is the most reassuring thing in the world. My little lady was a mover, so from 19 weeks on, I never had a doubt (well for more than a few minutes).

    As for the beginning, honestly, I was worried, but too sick to focus on it too much! Do you have a doppler? It might be helpful. I know if I had suffered a loss, I would want one.

    As for telling the family, I guess I would tell them if you think they would figure it out anyways (not drinking).

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  8. The doppler was the best thing I ever bought! I can't remember if you said you have one but you should be able to pick up something by about now :)

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  9. I wouldn't try to doppler this early as you may have trouble finding the heartbeat and then freak out. My suggestion is call your OB and explain your paranoia, mine, both midwife and OB were super understanding about the previous loss situation and both offered without me asking that if I ever needed extra reassurance between appts to just call and they would squeeze me in for a quick ultrasound/doppler just so I could hear the heartbeat. I was surprised at how easy they made it and only took them up on the offer once, but you'll never know if you don't ask!

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  10. I'm pretty conservative about this stuff, so I would probably wait to tell... unless you suspect you'll be fielding a lot of comments about it at the wedding. No sense in being outed; you want to be the one telling your story and not the subject of a bunch of rumors. Or tell a few select people in person after the main wedding festivities have ended... maybe starting with the bride and groom so they don't feel out of the loop on their wedding day!

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  11. Three weeks sounds like torture! Hopefully I'll be in that same torture soon!

    I say tell them. It won't change anything. And it will give you the chance to celebrate with them.

    Either way, have fun!

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  12. I actually agree with Anonymous - I would wait to tell until after the wedding weekend. We were pregnant at a cousin's wedding in early May, and it was hard for my husband not to tell his mom, but it wasn't the right time.

    Our first two pregnancies we told our immediate families immediately. For this third one, we waited until 11 weeks (actually told parents in separate settings between 11 weeks and 11 weeks 5 days, just due to logistics).

    A friend loaned me her doppler, and it's been reassuring. I don't use it every day, but more like every 4-5 days. We were able to hear the heartbeat by 11 weeks (it's shockingly low in my pelvis - always seems weird to me). So that's an option, although as other people have noted, you're not always able to find the heartbeat (easily or at all), so it can potentially increase your stress in the short term.

    Hang in there!

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  13. Early pregnancy is VERY stressful, especially after IF. I'm with the other ladies and the doppler. I was slightly overweight and still able to find a heartbeat at 11 weeks. But getting the hang of them can be tricky! So don't panic if it takes you a few minutes to find a heartbeat. Another blogger lent me her doppler and it was THE best! I used it whenever I needed the peace of mind, or just wanted to feel closer to the baby. GET ONE.

    Also, I kind of agree you should wait to tell the family, for thunder stealing purposes... ;-)

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  14. oh MAN we are on the same page. The waiting between appointments kills me. This is exactly why I bought a doppler. When my doctor found the HB on doppler in her office easily at a little over 10w, I took it as a good sign that we would find it at home. Now, we check daily which many people would say is too much. But, for me, it means I can sleep at night. Sometimes it takes a little time to find it (The Nugget keeps moving around a bit between very low and just below my navel) but we always find it.

    We told the friends that knew about our IVF right away. Everyone else we are telling after the results of the NT scan on Friday, at 12+ weeks.

    Hang in there!

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  15. Three weeks is a long time! I completely understand why you're nervous. Hang in there.

    Regarding telling: I'm in agreement with Anonymous and Hattie. I think you should tell people, but after the wedding. Yes, I know it's exciting to share your news, but I also know how much it hurts for someone to steal your thunder. I would schedule some time with family after the wedding, even if it's just for breakfast.

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  16. It is really hard, especially after a loss. I think the only reason I stayed sane is because I got weekly ultrasounds, but I had bleeding until 14-16wks so I was FREAKING out worse than ever (especially with 3 losses under my belt). My doppler helped a lot, but I wasn't able to use it until the second trimester. Some people have success with using it earlier though; have you thought about getting one?

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  17. I always wished I had a fast forward button... But just try and enjoy this next two weeks of pregnancy and if your doc is kind he/she will let you in for a quick Doppler check. Ps can't wait to see peanuts next pic!

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  18. Stressful indeed. I kept saying the 2ww was stressful. Then it was stressful waiting for my first beta, then it was stressful waiting for it to double. Now it's stressful waiting for my first u/s. I feel hour pain. Whatever you decide whether to share the news or not I hope you find some sanity and calm till your next u/s.

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  19. Can you ask for an u/s before then? Tell them you are overly worried or even lie and say you have been having cramps. Whatever keeps your mind at ease. I think for us IF'ers it's too long to have to wait.
    As for the family...that would be hard. I am not telling till the end of 13 weeks so I will be into the second trimester, but it is different for everyone. You will know what feels right.

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  20. I could have written this myself. I am about to post on the same fears of waiting for that u/s. If you can figure out how to stay sane, please share the info with me. Thanks :-)

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  21. I hope the next 2 weeks goes quickly. I personally am not going to be telling anyone except maybe my Mom and therapist till I am 12 weeks when I get pregnant.

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  22. That's a tough one. After 2 losses and a baby born at 24 weeks we decided to wait until 16 weeks to tell family about our next pregnancy. It was so hard because you want to yell it from the rooftops but you're still scared too.

    Do you have a home Doppler? I had one for my last pregnancy and it was great. Anytime unfelt worried I would just grab it and check the heartbeat. It made me feel so much better especially because I was spotting in the first trimester. You can pick them up for about $30-40 and I heard my lo heartbeat at 9 weeks on it. Just a thought!

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