Friday, June 24, 2011

Yes, I'm that (crazy) bitch!

One day, not too long ago, I was feeling happy and positive regarding my weight loss. Buster and I had plans to go to a new restaurant downtown with our best friends, and I decided to get a new cute dress to wear. I had been uncomfortable wearing a dress for so many months, I was happy to shed my jeans and full-coverage shirts.

On my lunch break, I drove up to TJ Maxx. They always have cute dresses! And I was not disappointed when I got in there. I took armfuls of clothes into the fitting room. The fitting room attendant already hated me, I'm fairly certain. I think she's Russian. She barely speaks English, and likes to give dirty looks. I'm afraid of her.

Anyway, I left the fitting room with 4 super cute dresses! As I am exiting the fitting room area, I see the shoe section. Below is a diagram which should help you picture this scenario:

So, because I have giant feet (size 10!), I walk to the wall of shoes for big feet. I see a couple pairs that catch my eye, grab them, and have a seat at the bench. I set my purse along with my 4 dresses on the (tiny) bench, and try on my first pair. They are a pair of black patent-leather slingback peeptoe Guess pumps with a cork heel. Can you say CUTE?! I can! I put them on, walk over to the mirror, admire my beautiful feet (lol) and head back over to the bench. I sit, take off the Guess pumps, and try on another pair (Charles David). I leave the Guess pumps under the bench, and walk over to the mirror to check out the Charles David shoes. Meh. Not nearly as cute as the Guess ones!

So I head back over to my bench to put my shoes back on, and notice that the Guess pumps are NOWHERE to be found!! WTF! I *just* took them off, and walked like 5 steps away. As you can see in the diagram, those green circles are women and those purple/pink boxes are shopping carts. There were two friends with babies (of course) in their shopping carts chatting away. I peek around the corner, thinking that perhaps one of the ladies mistakenly grabbed my shoes. As I am peeking, I see one of the girls (the green dot that is furthest away from me) getting ready to round the corner heading towards the 5/6 shoes. I barely caught a glimpse of her, but what I did see was a flash of patent leather!!! SHE HAD MY SHOES ON!!!!

Who steals someone's shoes from a bench that has their purse on it?! Seriously!! So I start to get angry. I'm talking to myself, wondering what I should do. I wanted those shoes! I was going to be wearing them out to dinner! They matched one of my dresses!

So as I'm shaking and muttering to myself, pacing around, I decide to confront her. Yep.

I walk down the aisle between the mirror and bench, and round the corner as shoe-stealing-bitch is taking off a shoe, saying to her friend, "I don't know if I should get them..." That was my cue...

Me: Um, hi, sorry to interrupt... I was actually getting ready to buy those shoes. If they were on that bench down there (I pointed), I was going to purchase them... (I trail off).

Her: I got these over there, I swear! (She continues on here, but I stop listening).

As she's explaining to me where she got them, I see a sticker on the shoe. The sticker is bright ass pink, and has a giant 8 on it.

Size 8.


Not the same pair.

I then start to apologize profusely, and say that I think I'm going crazy because the shoes I was going to get are missing. I walk away, red-faced and still shaking, embarrassed out of my fucking mind! And it's even worse because I know they are looking at each other like, "What is this crazy girl's problem??"

I make one more trip back to the bench to gather up my stuff, and look once more for the Guess shoes. And I see them... on the shelf. I had put them back on the shelf. I'm not even on hormones anymore. Wtf. Am I senile??

I practically run to the check out line at this point. The line is long, of course, and slow moving. I keep glancing over my shoulder, not wanting to see those girls and their smug faces and accusatory looks. Finally it's my turn at the register. After what seems like a CENTURY, the cashier hands me my receipt and I head for the door, head-down and determined to make it to my car ASAP.

As I push the glass door open and start to step out to freedom, the motherfucking alarm goes off.


I have to go back in because they forgot to take the tag off of one of my dresses.

I am mortified. Horrified. Embarrassed. Ashamed. Any similar adjective you can think of, that was me.

After they remove the tag, I briskly walk to my car, get in, slam the door, and take a couple deep breaths. What a shopping trip!!

Yes, I am that crazy bitch who accuses people of stealing shoes that aren't even technically hers yet.

But, you know, I would do it again for these shoes. That's how amazing they are.

You may now feel better about yourself, and you are welcome. :)


  1. Oooh those are cute and they make your feet look much smaller than a size 10!!!
    At least you will never see those ladies again!

  2. Those shoes are totally worth it!

  3. Let me just say: I would have done the EXACT same thing for those shoes. I love!!!

  4. Those are shoes worth fighting for! If the other woman had picked out the same ones, she should understand! Carrie Bradshaw would be proud.

  5. Oh that's hysterical! And I love that you drew a map for us to understand!!!

    But those shoes are worth it - fabulous!!!

  6. Ha, got to love days like those - you just want to crawl under a rock and hide! At least you ended up with the shoes - super duper cute.

  7. HOT! and totally worth being a bitch for... even though you didn't need to be. :)

  8. Well worth it Kara!

  9. Oh funny! I'm not so much a shoe person but I can identify with the righteous "how DARE she!" principle.
    Hope you rock(ed) your night

  10. I totally have to agree with everyone, SO WORTH IT! those shoes are HOT!

  11. so funny but also probably not funny at the time. That sort of thing happens to me, if it makes you feel any better.
    Love the shoes. You look great.

  12. Very cute, and very funny. LOVE the diagram, I can totally picture it!

  13. Sorry you went through such a humiliating experience, but at least the shoes are cute enough to be worth it. :)

    ICLW #144

  14. I am a big shoe lover and let me tell you, those shoes are totally worth it!!!! Very Cute!!!!

    Happy ICLW

  15. I would have gone nuts too!! They are gorgeous! And I have a heart attack every time I leave a store with those damn buzzers at the door. Even when I dont buy anything I freak out that the buzzer will go off!

  16. Hilarious! That totally sounds like something I would do!


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