The continued haunting of an abandonment

On Sunday, Buster really wanted to take a nap with me. I’m not a big fan of naps, but I couldn’t resist him. So, I took a nap. And I had the most bizarre dream. Before I explain the dream, however, I would like to preface it.

Earlier this year, I had switched to a new gynecologist. I really liked her. I was severely disappointed to find out in September, less than a year after switching to her, that she had resigned from the practice and was “unsure of her future”.  I was puzzled by this, and have remained curious as to whether she was in need of a mental break from the world of medicine, or if perhaps she is persuing ambitions to start up her own practice. The letter from the practice did not go in to much detail at all.

The Saturday after Thanksgiving, Buster and I headed to the mall so he could get the worst haircut in the world. I’ve always warned him about getting his hair cut in a mall, but he doesn’t listen to me! Anyway, while I was wandering around aimlessly waiting for the lady to be done butchering my husband’s scalp, I see my ex-doc. She was walking with who I would assume was her husband. She looked really pale, was walking slow, and looked overly melancholy and even sort of depressed. This image has been haunting me as of late. I am concerned about her well-being, as it appears to me that she must have had some kind of mental breakdown. Her gaze passed over me, and she did not recognize me. Granted, she is used to looking in between my legs, but still. We went through a LEEP together! Come on!

So that was that. Well, then on Sunday I had a dream about her during my nap. In the dream, she was back at the practice, but in a limited capacity. I was there, and I asked her why she was no longer my doctor. She stated because she only was accepting patients that she could help. She feared there was nothing she could do for me; I was a lost cause when it comes to getting pregnant.

Talk about a slap in the face! I woke up disturbed and haunted. I’m really just not sure what to think of the whole situation. I probably shouldn’t think about it at all, since it was a dream. And all my speculations as to her mental health are just that: speculations. I think I will just try to convince myself that her husband is a brain surgeon and she decided to be a SAHM.

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On another note, I have my appointment tomorrow morning with a new RE. Since I'm already a patient of the clinic, he has access to all of my information. I was thinking about printing out my FF charts and bringing them in as well. Is that tacky? Would that even be helpful to him, or would it annoy him?

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Last night I spent too many hours perusing Etsy. I've looked at it before, but not really in-depth. O.M.G. I'm in love! There are so many things I want. So, up until Christmas, I think I will post one thing a day that I love/want/need! :)

Gray Rose Earrings