As I have previously mentioned, I have a phone consultation with Dr. Sher this Friday. I contacted my doctor's office last week to see if they would fax my records. I had to go in to sign a form. While there, I told the nice receptionist my burgeoning plans for a possible IVF soonish in Las Vegas with Dr. Sher.
She was very understanding as to why I am throwing in the towel with my RE. She knows he has horrible bedside manner, and that many patients of his do not return due to his poor social skills. In my packet of paperwork from the Sher Institute, there was one page in particular that had a lot of tests listed and wanted me t fill in the date, results, etc. I do not know all of that stuff, so I showed it to the receptionist and she offered to fill it out for me and fax it!!! What a sweetheart! I couldn't believe it.
She also sent me, free of charge (and probably against their procedures) a copy of my records there. It is a big, fat, thick manilla envelope.
Buster and I ran out to the Post Office when I got home from work today. We also were going to Sheetz to get gas and Buster wanted some hot dogs (If you don't have a Sheetz where you are, you should just cry now. The BEST convenience store. Ever.). We went to the PO first, so while Buster filled up the tank and got his gourmet dinner, I sat alone in the car, rain pouring down, reading my records.
It was incredibly depressing. I mean, yes, I knew what kinds of things would be in there. But reading them, one page after another, was overwhelming. Seeing page after page of wasted appointments and failed cycles really left me shaken.
Is that my life in summary? 75 pages of things that failed and a bunch of non-answers? In the back of my head, somewhere, I know that my life cannot be defined by my lack of a child. But it's so hard to separate my life from my lack of being able to give life.