Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Well I want a better place or just a better way to fall

Do bad things just keep happening to me? Or does it just seem like that, because I focus on the bad and I can't focus on the good?

How do you focus on the good? Are there steps that must be taken? Is there a book I can read? A website? Help!

Today we took the Jeep to get the window fixed. They were replacing the window and the regulator (Mount up?! Warren G joke? No? Fine!). I asked them to please check the front brakes as well, because I have to press really hard to brake, and it makes me nervous. If I was ever in a slam-on-my-brakes situation, I can't guarantee that I wouldn't hit the car/pedestrian/groundhog/pregnant woman (KIDDING!) in front of me.

I get a call several hours later. Good news! The regulator did not need replaced, so instead of the estimated $475 to fix the window, it was only $315. Yay!


Bad news! The front brakes desperately need replaced, along with the rotors (which are rusted). So, that's another $350 or so. Awesome. I love dropping lots of money on a "new" car.

So after that phone call, I go back to my desk. I get a request for a file to be sent to a co-worker. I go to open up my "projects" folder on my external hard drive. Um... it's missing. Not there. This contains ALL of my files for work. All of them. It looks like either a power outage or a frozen computer somehow corrupted my external hard drive in the past couple of days (on Friday that projects file was there).

So, I'm running a data rescue software right now, hoping it will find the missing folder. If so, I (or my office...?) will have to purchase the program so I can get my folder back. I'm actually kind of in shock about it. I'm hoping after the 15 hour scan on the 8TB (yes, terabytes) of space, my folder shows up. If not, I really don't know what I'll do. I can send it away to the company to try to restore the files, but that will cost $1200 or so (because there are 4 actual hard drives in the external drive).


Also, it seems like everyone is pregnant. Or has a baby. I am surrounded by them again. And I just can't take it right now.

We are not trying this month. I'm not sure Buster knows that, but I am not going to worry about trying. I am more focused on getting these tests done and trying to figure out a cause, rather than riding this fucking roller coaster any longer. I just want off. So I'm stepping off of it for a month. It will be so weird to not be disappointed when AF arrives...


The title of today's post is brought to you by Modest Mouse! Here is the song, Bukowski:


  1. Oh wow - what a crappy day! Unexpected car repairs on top of lost data at work? That just sucks! I'm very sorry - hopefully your week will get better from here.

    And I think it's a good idea to take a break from TTC. You're getting testing done, and all the other stuff - give yourself some time to just chill...

  2. KARA!

    I was LITERALLY cracking up at this post. I'm sorry when life Sh$#s on you it has diarrhea. I had "Regulators" playing in the back of my head as I read the rest of your post. I can just picture your jeep bumpin' Warren G as you approach an intersection with a preggy lady caught in your headlights. (KIDDING as well)...

    As for how do I focus on the good? Hmm.. it's definitely hard during a S-storm of bad. My latest mantra is to live in the present. If you haven't read "The Art of Racing in the Rain" by Garth Stein I highly recommend it, especially if you love dogs. Its a fictional story told by a deep thinking dog named Enzo. At the end Enzo questions whether or not he has "shunned his present by anticipating his future" (I like to think my Jack Russell is as deep as Enzo)...and it really struck a chord with where I'm at in my life right now. I'd hate to miss out on my everyday life because I'm soooo worried about our future family...it seems to be a delicate balance, some days I'm good at, and others not so much. Hope that helps :)

  3. Aww! Sorry that you are having a rough time. I felt that way all last week. Things will get better just hang in there!

  4. We all have days (weeks? Months?) like this, so it's not just you... hang in there and remember the good stuff, like your cute pup and hubby! Hope tomorrow's better.

  5. I can't remember if I've already mentioned this book or not, sorry if I did: Unstuck. My friend read it (who struggles with depression), and she said that EVERYONE struggling to help themselves focus on the positive in their lives should read it. Just a suggestion...my copy is on order.

  6. UGH! When it rains, it pours! DH and I joke that if we didn't have BAD luck, we'd have no luck at all! I don't have anything positive to add...just wanted you to know I've got my fingers crossed for good news from your tests. I hope your luck turns around soon...and that no pregnant women have to be harmed in the making of your happiness (although, let's be honest, I think we all have a preggo in our lives that we just wanna throttle sometimes! Lol!)

  7. **HUGS** UGH, I'm so sorry everything seems to be just falling apart right now.
    Really hope things start to look up for you soon!

  8. First time visitor here for ICLW.

    Ugh, I hate it when a bunch of crap goes wrong at once. Just feels like The Universe has it in for you.

    And as for the pregnant women--yeah, they're everywhere!

    P.S. Kelsey is beautiful! We have two golden retrievers ourselves. ;-)

  9. I so hate it when all the crap seems to hit you at the same time, I hope things get easier for you soon.

    So glad you found a good Dr, but yeah your old one sounds like an arse :( sorry you had to go through that to find a good Doc.


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