Sometimes the overwhelming nature of infertility and TTC takes over and I find it hard to stay afloat in it all. Life is stressful as it is, wouldn't you agree? I'm sure there are some lucky people out there who can depend on a trust fund or inheritance or possibly even the lottery, but most people stress over money. Family is another great stressor for me (but only sometimes!).
I hate to play the "life is unfair" game, but honestly, it IS unfair. It's not like I'm spending my time wishing for some crazy miracle. I'd just like mother nature and my body to cooperate and give me the gift of being a mother. It's been happening since, well, the beginning of time. It happens every day. It happens all around me. It happens to people who don't WANT it to happen.
You can't always get what you want, right? I guess that's the lesson I am being taught. I feel like a spoiled brat, whining about not getting what I want. But this isn't my sweet sixteen party and I'm not pissed because my new BMW is the wrong color.
I hate that TTC makes me so damn bipolar. One day I'm happy and bubbly, the next I'm sad and miserable. I worry that things I eat are affecting my potential to have a baby. I worry that I'm not taking enough supplements, that I'm not having sex enough around my O date, that maybe some of my hormones are out of whack or that maybe my VJJ juices are too acidic for sperm. Why in the shit should I have to worry about all that stuff?! Do you know anyone else who worries about the acidity of their vagina??? I hope you don't. I wish I didn't worry about all this random stuff.
It probably doesn't help that my Pandora is playing all kinds of sad music! I better change the station. Back That Ass Up by Juvenile always makes me happy...