...I started my blog on my 2nd wedding anniversary.
...I was excited about TTC.
...I was charting BBT.
...I was peeing on OPKs.
...I was naively thinking I would be pregnant by the end of 2010.
...I met some amazing women on a TTC forum, who I am still friends with today. The majority of them have babies now.
...I wrote this: "It brings tears to my eyes thinking of us, laying on the bed in the house on Chestnut Ridge Road, speaking of having children like it was easy." I was already sad, 300 posts ago.
So much has changed since the inception of my blog, yet so much has remained the same.
We became a family of three, but not in the way we had so desperately hoped. Our sweet little girl has beautiful blonde hair, but she didn't get it from Buster.
It's so difficult to remember much else from the past two years, other than doctor's appointments, procedures, medicine, tears, disappointment, misery.
How depressing is that? I don't want to look back on "the good ol' years" and only remember our struggles.
The innate desire to be a mother was strong 300 posts ago, and that has not changed.
This past Friday I had to choke back tears while in line at Starbucks. The man in front of me was holding the chubbiest four-month-old baby ever. And her eyes were so blue and big. She was smiling at me and cooing and flirting with Buster. And at first I didn't think anything at all.
But then it hits you, like a ton of fucking bricks.
I turn to Buster with hot tears stinging my eyes and say, "I really, really want a baby."
News flash, right?
So here I am, 300 posts later. At least the theme of my blog has remained consistent, right? Silver lining, and all that...
Thank you for sticking with me, supporting me, and just being out there, reading what I say. This blog has been amazingly therapeutic for me, and I hope it continues to be.