You don't want to die trying to have a baby, do you?

Ok, first an update on what I decided to do about taking more meds than my doc prescribed:

I had talked myself into taking 40iu of Follistim on the evening of my last RE appointment. That was Wednesday. After going back and forth on what I wanted to do for several hours, I finally decided to just do it.

So, I gathered up my Follistim from the fridge and got the bag o' goodies (Menopur + syringes + needles) from the spare room. Head to the bathroom.

First, I get out the stuff to mix up my Menopur. There are two vials you need, one is sodium chloride (which I think is just a fancy name for salt water) and the other is the drug, which is in a powder form in the vial. I get 1cc of liquid in my syringe, and inject it into the Menopur. I swirl it around a little so that all the medicine dissolves. Then I set it down and move to the Follistim.

Follistim is administered through a "pen" they call it, which kind of looks like a chubby ball point pen. There is a dial on it, and you can set the dosage yourself. I set it to probably 40 (it was on one of the dots between 25 and 50!). Because I'm mixing with the Menopur, I actually just inject the Follistim into the vial of Menopur, instead of stabbing myself with the handy-dandy Follistim Pen. I put the needle point on the rubber topper, and inject it into the vial of Menopur.

OR DID I?

After I inject myself with the Menopur, take the needle off the Follistim pen and throw it out, put the cap on the Follistim pen and put it away, I realize that I don't recall which vial I injected the Follistim into: the leftover sodium chloride remaining in that vial, or the vial of the Menopur cocktail.

I became incredibly flustered at this point. I couldn't inject myself with more Follistim, because what if I already had?? So I just tossed the vial of sodium chloride and said to hell with it! It's too stressful messing with my meds.

I didn't realize until much later that I *could* have just went ahead and injected the sodium chloride anyway, since it was just water and wouldn't hurt me! But, I'm an idiot, and in my flustered state did not think about it.

Thursday I just did my normal dose of Menopur, no additional meddling with medicine!

Fast-forward to today. I had a follow up appointment.

As I was sitting in the waiting room, a smiling, happy couple came in with their beautiful little IVF baby to show off to everyone who works there. I know that they were most likely in my shoes at some point, and I am happy they had a baby. However... that is the absolute last place I want to be bombarded with tiny cute newborns! It was like a slap in the face. I'd have liked to give them a dagger so they could properly shank me.

Anyway, I get called back and they take my estradiol levels. Fossil Fran was the one who took my blood, and we were talking about the weather outside (which is cold and brisk, yet sunny). I told her the sun makes it bearable. She said "Yeah, I can handle anything as long as the sun is shining." I thought that was a great quote. I <3 FF! So after that, I was feeling hopeful, and even thought I had a wonderful title for today's blog post!

I head into the exam room and wait on the doctor and nurse parade to enter (all the while hearing the IVF baby cry ouside the door). They finally show up, and I assume the position. As soon as the u/s wand enters me, my RE says something about me having a billion eggs. Ok... I think I like the sounds of that.

My lining is at 10.6, which I think is good!
Right ovary follicles: 17.6, 17.3, 16, 14.6, 14, 13.6, 12, 12, 11.5, 8, 8, 7, 6
Left ovary follicles: 16.3, 14, 12.6, 11, 9.4, 8.6, 8.5, 8, 7.5

So, a plethora of eggs. The veritable army of eggs line should have been used today, not Wednesday!

After my RE enters some stuff in the computer, he says
"Well, our options are...
a) Abort the cycle"

He goes on to explain that I am at risk for multiple gestation and over stimulation. I start crying, but try to hide it. I spent an effload of money on meds and appointments, not to mention emotional investment! "Aborting" (could we have used a better term here, doc? Like cancel??) the cycle is the last thing I want to do.

"or b) attempt to coast."

Coasting means basically not do anything for a couple days, and I will go back in on Sunday for another u/s. Then we will go from there and see what happens.

He looked at me, waiting for me to say what I want to do. I told him, through a voice thick with the sound of choked back sobs, that I do NOT want to abort the cycle.

He says, "Well, you don't want to die trying to have a baby, do you?"

Well, Mr. Ray of Sunshine, not particularly. But I'm dying a little more each day, regardless if I'm having babies or not! So in essence, I am dying while trying to have a baby.

So, the plan for now is to coast, and hopefully by Sunday some of the smaller follies will have fizzled and the leading 4 will still be going strong. But if there are lots of eggs that day, I'm assuming Dr. Cheerful will not want to go on with the IUI. DH and I would still BD though, because I'm not wasting this cycle completely.