Sunshine, sparkles and rainbows!

I'm convinced that the sun is sporting a sick 'stache in this image! Love it!

I realize that most of my posts are leaning towards (if not fully engulfed) in the negative. And I am sorry for that. But unfortunately, not many positive happenings have come out of my TTC journey thus far.

Today, as a change in pace, I'm aiming for a positive post!

As the week has progressed, I have grown more and more excited for my birthday. We are having a little party with mine and Buster's families on Saturday night. I have a super cute dress to wear (that I got on that nightmarish trip to TJ Maxx a while back...), and that always makes it easier for me to get excited about an event.

Buster is going to smoke two pork shoulders for pulled pork sandwiches, my mom and sister will be making coleslaw (my sister makes the best coleslaw EVER), pierogi pie (layers of lasagna noodles, mashed potatoes, cheese, and deliciousness), homemade baked beans (yum!), and macaroni salad. And half a sheet cake has been ordered from Sam's.

I'm going to make some Jell-O shots, too! I found a good recipe for strawberry-banana rum shots. I'll be hitting up my favorite store in town, AKA the party store, to find some fun stuff.

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In other news, I am looking into an IVF clinical trial in NYC. I have been preliminarily accepted, but actual acceptance is pending on my CD3 visit with the clinic, and my blood work results. I had to have pre-IVF screening done, which included testing for HIV, Hep B/C, etc, as well as some genetic testing. Luckily my insurance covers the tests (well, 80% of it anyway), so that's a relief.

The clinical trial has two "arms". One is a mini-IVF arm, the other conventional IVF. The study has been going on since 2009, and has resulted in tons of pregnancies. The treatment is covered, but I would be responsible for the cost of medications and travel. It is still a significant savings, and I hope that it works out.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up regarding the trial, however. I tend to do that, and I often times end up disappointed. This would be a great opportunity, but it is not a for-sure thing yet.

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 I had lunch with my grandmother yesterday. I've discussed a bit about our relationship in this post, but it's really such a long, convoluted and complex story, it would take a week's worth of blog posts to get you all up to date. And that would probably be boring as hell!

But, the last time we met for lunch, I really got an earful of the whole "in God's time you'll get pregnant" thing. I left that lunch feeling really down about it, and hadn't talked to my grandmother for months. She texted me a couple days ago asking to take me to lunch for my birthday.

I was pretty nervous beforehand, because I didn't want the lunch to turn in to either a) a religious lecture, or b) a bashing of my parents. Luckily, neither one happened, thankfully.

BUT...

There was, of course, one comment that I really had to work hard to ignore. The baby stuff was brought up (by her), and she asked if I was still doing the shots and IUIs and such. I told her no, that the IUIs didn't work, and we are currently trying naturally until we can save up enough money for IVF.

She says:

"Well, honestly, I wasn't praying for you to get pregnant, since the last time we met Buster wasn't working."

(He had lost his job a 8 days prior to Christmas).

Oh.

Well thanks for the non-prayers.

Why even tell someone that? I can completely understand if her personal opinion was that we were not financially sound enough to have a baby, but why divulge that information?

I don't want to hear that.