Friday, September 9, 2011

NYC, and what it feels like to have hope again

Our appointment day started out EARLY. We left our small city (large town??) at 2:30 a.m. to head to the closest international airport. Our flight left Pittsburgh at 5:30 a.m. *yawn*

We arrived in a rainy, gray NYC at 7:00 a.m. Then, thanks to the handy TripPlanner on, we successfully utilized public transportation to get to the clinic. First, we took a bus. Then a subway. This cost us a whopping $5 each. Hello, thriftiness! We could have taken a taxi from the airport to the clinic, but that would have cost us $50 at least.

This was my first time on a public bus in any city, let alone New York. It was definitely an interesting experience. Buster scolded me once on the bus ride, saying that I was acting too "touristy". Really, I was acting too neurotic. I kept checking my print out of what stop we needed to get off at. I didn't want to miss it! But, my neurosis can definitely be annoying, so I don't blame him.

But anyway, we finally arrive at the clinic. An hour and a half early. But due to the combination of the dreary weather outside and the fact that we were in a new place, we decided to just hang out in the waiting room until our appointment. Buster actually napped in the corner, while I played on my new phone (HTC Evo 4G! Yes please!).

After about two hours, we were called back. We met with the study coordinator, who explained the study to us (all of which I already knew from my research). He explained the two different arms of the study (conventional IVF and mini IVF), and went over a fair amount of paperwork with us. We then signed all of said paperwork.

We briefly went over our medical history, discussed the pre-IVF screening tests I had done, and then Buster and I headed back out to the waiting room. Another hour passed or so, and we both got called back for our different tests. I had blood drawn and an ultrasound. Buster had a semen analysis.

This clinic is really quite modern and sleek.

The clinic's waiting room. Yes, that's a big fish tank by the window.
So, it's not surprising that, according to Buster, the "collection room" was on a whole different level than the one at our former RE's office. At the former RE, there was a small room with a broken 13" TV with a VCR, and some old magazines that focused mainly on boobs.

But this is NYC! He was ushered into a room with a large flat screen TV, with several video options to hasten the process. We are impressed by the little things, can't you tell??

After we had our testing, the study coordinator told us to take 20 minutes and go grab a bite to eat or a coffee, then come back so we can review the results of the tests. 20 minutes didn't seem like too much time, so instead of wandering aimlessly about Manhattan, we decided just to stay put and wait.

In retrospect, I wish we would have gone out. We didn't get called back for another two hours. I expected to be at the clinic all day, and really, we had no where else to go, so I wasn't upset. Buster even snuck in a couple more cat naps.

When they finally did call us back, the study coordinator went over our results. My blood work was great, my ultrasound showed 8 small follicles on my right ovary and 6 on my left, with a 15mm follicle on my left as well (on CD7??!! What the...?). They were pleased with these numbers, as they like to see at least 8 small follicles total. Buster's semen analysis results were wonderful! High count, great motility and all that jazz.

So, everything looked great for us to be accepted into the study! Next step is that I need to return to the clinic on CD21 so they can confirm ovulation by ultrasound. Once they confirm O, I will choose a randomized envelope that will contain the name of the study arm I will be assigned. They will also give me some meds so I can get started (either BCP or Lupron, depending on the arm I draw).

I've already booked my plane ticket for my next trip, and it was even cheaper than this last ticket! $130 including taxes! Buster will not be going with me this time, but I feel pretty confident that I won't have any issues getting to the clinic or finding my way around. If I do get lost, I'll have GPS on my phone, and can hopefully find my way.


After we left the clinic, we had several hours to kill prior to our departing flight. I pulled up Google maps on my phone to see what restaurants were nearby and check the reviews. We saw one that sounded good, but when we got there, it was just a tiny little place with a tiny little bar to sit at with 3 seats. Not really what we were hoping for.

We kept walking, and stumbled upon this little Irish restaurant called Kennedy's. It was great! The atmosphere was perfect, and the food was delicious and affordable. I'm so happy we found it. I definitely will be returning. The French Onion soup was amazing, as was the Shepherd's Pie!

The dining room at Kennedy's. The Irish decorations (wreaths, lights) weren't up while we were there, but still a great atmosphere!

Shepherd's Pie!

Last night, during a commercial break on Project Runway (Yay Anya!! And boo @ Josh... so tired of him and his domineering ways!), Buster and I were talking about how when we have a baby, Kelsey is going to have a new favorite seat: under the high chair! Kelsey will love following around our child, eating any food that drops from his or her mouth/hands/plate, etc.

After we talked about this for a few minutes, I had a realization.

I have hope again.

We haven't had ANY discussions recently about "when we have babies..." etc. All of that talk stopped after our last failed IUI in April. We have had no hope since then. And it's not even something that I really noticed.

But last night, I experienced some feelings that I hadn't for months and months: hope and excitement. When I mentioned this to Buster, he gently reminded me not to get my hopes up, because we never know what could happen with this trial.

And I know what can happen. I know there are so many things that could go wrong.

But I also know that I am going to relish the feeling of having hope again. I love it. It makes me feel human again, not like some jaded, infertile robot. Regardless if we get pregnant in this study or not, I am going to live in the moment. And right now, that moment is full of hope.

And I couldn't be happier.


  1. Hope is wonderful! It's what keeps us going, one foot in front of the other, through the misery that is IF treatments - trial or not. So glad that your appointment went so well, if a bit long. And that your results look so good - wonderful news!!!

  2. I am so very excited for you!!

  3. Hope is the single thread that keeps dreams alive and gives birth to so many other things. I'm glad everything seems to be going well. You're going to become a pro at navigating NY watch and see, it only takes one or two experiences before you get the hang of it.

  4. Wonderful news! And of all the clinics to spend hours waiting in I'd choose that one! FANCY! Do you know anymore about the 2 arms of the study besides BCP vs. Lupron? I can't wait to hear more and I'm so so glad you have hope and excitement back!!!

  5. Im so excited for you and that this study could provide you hope again!! its sounds like a great clinic!!

  6. Oh this is such great news!!!!!!
    I am so glad you are feeling hopeful and that everything has gone well so far!

  7. Hooray for renewed hope! :)

  8. Yay for HOPE!!!! It all sounds wonderful and I am so excited for you!!!

  9. Soooo happy for you!! I am so thrilled that you have found hope again. Cling on to it long and hard! All of that suffering has to be worth something, right??! Cant wait to hear ALL about this journey of yours!

  10. This poem has been my company for the last three years:

    Hope is the thing with feathers
    That perches in the soul,
    And sings the tune--without the words,
    And never stops at all,

    And sweetest in the gale is heard;
    And sore must be the storm
    That could abash the little bird
    That kept so many warm.

    I've heard it in the chillest land,
    And on the strangest sea;
    Yet, never, in extremity,
    It asked a crumb of me.

    I am so happy that you are doing this study and continuing your journey... I am wishing all the best for you in the (exciting!) upcoming weeks / months. Yay for IVF!!!

  11. Hope is a wonderful thing, indeed. Let yourself feel every ounce of it.

    Crossing everything that this it for you.

  12. such wonderful news. I am really glad that you were accepted to the study. Which center is this? It is amazing that you have hope again, it is a wonderful and totally scary thing, right? I am wishing you tons of love and luck. Let me know if you need any help navigating my city or want recommendations to restaurants or other things. I promise NYC is way more fun when it is not raining like it was every day this week


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