NYC, and what it feels like to have hope again

Our appointment day started out EARLY. We left our small city (large town??) at 2:30 a.m. to head to the closest international airport. Our flight left Pittsburgh at 5:30 a.m. *yawn*

We arrived in a rainy, gray NYC at 7:00 a.m. Then, thanks to the handy TripPlanner on mta.info, we successfully utilized public transportation to get to the clinic. First, we took a bus. Then a subway. This cost us a whopping $5 each. Hello, thriftiness! We could have taken a taxi from the airport to the clinic, but that would have cost us $50 at least.

This was my first time on a public bus in any city, let alone New York. It was definitely an interesting experience. Buster scolded me once on the bus ride, saying that I was acting too "touristy". Really, I was acting too neurotic. I kept checking my print out of what stop we needed to get off at. I didn't want to miss it! But, my neurosis can definitely be annoying, so I don't blame him.

But anyway, we finally arrive at the clinic. An hour and a half early. But due to the combination of the dreary weather outside and the fact that we were in a new place, we decided to just hang out in the waiting room until our appointment. Buster actually napped in the corner, while I played on my new phone (HTC Evo 4G! Yes please!).

After about two hours, we were called back. We met with the study coordinator, who explained the study to us (all of which I already knew from my research). He explained the two different arms of the study (conventional IVF and mini IVF), and went over a fair amount of paperwork with us. We then signed all of said paperwork.

We briefly went over our medical history, discussed the pre-IVF screening tests I had done, and then Buster and I headed back out to the waiting room. Another hour passed or so, and we both got called back for our different tests. I had blood drawn and an ultrasound. Buster had a semen analysis.

This clinic is really quite modern and sleek.

The clinic's waiting room. Yes, that's a big fish tank by the window.

So, it's not surprising that, according to Buster, the "collection room" was on a whole different level than the one at our former RE's office. At the former RE, there was a small room with a broken 13" TV with a VCR, and some old magazines that focused mainly on boobs.

But this is NYC! He was ushered into a room with a large flat screen TV, with several video options to hasten the process. We are impressed by the little things, can't you tell??

After we had our testing, the study coordinator told us to take 20 minutes and go grab a bite to eat or a coffee, then come back so we can review the results of the tests. 20 minutes didn't seem like too much time, so instead of wandering aimlessly about Manhattan, we decided just to stay put and wait.

In retrospect, I wish we would have gone out. We didn't get called back for another two hours. I expected to be at the clinic all day, and really, we had no where else to go, so I wasn't upset. Buster even snuck in a couple more cat naps.

When they finally did call us back, the study coordinator went over our results. My blood work was great, my ultrasound showed 8 small follicles on my right ovary and 6 on my left, with a 15mm follicle on my left as well (on CD7??!! What the...?). They were pleased with these numbers, as they like to see at least 8 small follicles total. Buster's semen analysis results were wonderful! High count, great motility and all that jazz.

So, everything looked great for us to be accepted into the study! Next step is that I need to return to the clinic on CD21 so they can confirm ovulation by ultrasound. Once they confirm O, I will choose a randomized envelope that will contain the name of the study arm I will be assigned. They will also give me some meds so I can get started (either BCP or Lupron, depending on the arm I draw).

I've already booked my plane ticket for my next trip, and it was even cheaper than this last ticket! $130 including taxes! Buster will not be going with me this time, but I feel pretty confident that I won't have any issues getting to the clinic or finding my way around. If I do get lost, I'll have GPS on my phone, and can hopefully find my way.

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After we left the clinic, we had several hours to kill prior to our departing flight. I pulled up Google maps on my phone to see what restaurants were nearby and check the reviews. We saw one that sounded good, but when we got there, it was just a tiny little place with a tiny little bar to sit at with 3 seats. Not really what we were hoping for.

We kept walking, and stumbled upon this little Irish restaurant called Kennedy's. It was great! The atmosphere was perfect, and the food was delicious and affordable. I'm so happy we found it. I definitely will be returning. The French Onion soup was amazing, as was the Shepherd's Pie!

The dining room at Kennedy's. The Irish decorations (wreaths, lights) weren't up while we were there, but still a great atmosphere!

Shepherd's Pie!

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Last night, during a commercial break on Project Runway (Yay Anya!! And boo @ Josh... so tired of him and his domineering ways!), Buster and I were talking about how when we have a baby, Kelsey is going to have a new favorite seat: under the high chair! Kelsey will love following around our child, eating any food that drops from his or her mouth/hands/plate, etc.

After we talked about this for a few minutes, I had a realization.

I have hope again.

We haven't had ANY discussions recently about "when we have babies..." etc. All of that talk stopped after our last failed IUI in April. We have had no hope since then. And it's not even something that I really noticed.

But last night, I experienced some feelings that I hadn't for months and months: hope and excitement. When I mentioned this to Buster, he gently reminded me not to get my hopes up, because we never know what could happen with this trial.

And I know what can happen. I know there are so many things that could go wrong.

But I also know that I am going to relish the feeling of having hope again. I love it. It makes me feel human again, not like some jaded, infertile robot. Regardless if we get pregnant in this study or not, I am going to live in the moment. And right now, that moment is full of hope.

And I couldn't be happier.