But my head is in the clouds most of the time. I'm a dreamer. I'm not logical. And it's never done anything good for me.
Spending years trying to get pregnant has really put a halt to my incessant wishing and hoping and dreaming. It's sad, really.
But is it?
Buster thinks it's good that now I'm a bit more grounded. That I don't get my hopes up so easily when it comes to getting pregnant. Shit, my hopes haven't been up in regards to getting pregnant for about 6 months. I'm done fooling myself.
I can't even picture myself pregnant. I used to be able to. I used to enjoy daydreaming about my pregnancy, about my babies. My imagination is shot, however. Overused. I've put too many miles on it, and it's now rusted and rotting.
Some days it really feels like it will never happen, and that I will live out the remainder of my days childless. It's easier for me to picture it that way. My imagination doesn't have to work too hard.