the one in which my head spins

Yesterday was quite the day.

(Warning: long post ahead! Proceed at your own risk.)

I had my local monitoring appointment at 8:00 a.m. My RE was in surgery, so my favorite nurse (Fossil Fran, aka FF) did my ultrasound.

The cyst was still there. That was disappointing to see. Apparently it had shrunk slightly, and the clot in the center was more well-defined. FF offered up the thought that perhaps this means it is clotting and done bleeding, and will shrink away to nothing. Here's to hoping.

On the right ovary, along with the Cyst (yes, it's a pronoun now) were three tiny follicles. Very small. Smaller than my normal follicle size on CD11. Hmmm. Ok.

On the left ovary was one large... thing. At first FF thought it was another cyst, because she saw some echoes in it (not sure what the echoes indicate, but ok). Then she tried another angle with ol' wandy, and in that shot it appeared to be a large follicle. One. The only thing happening on that ovary. She mentioned that there was only one large follicle, and the way she said it made it seem like that's odd. And it is odd for me, and maybe for everyone.

Typical CD11s in the past, I'll have several decent sized follicles, and then end up with only one big 'un at the end.

My lining was triple-striped and beautiful at 9.1mm.

Now an ultrasound alone is just a piece of the puzzle. My blood work was done, and the results would be faxed to my NYC clinic when ready. I can expect my NYC clinic to call me with results anywhere from 2:00 p.m. to 6:00 p.m.

So, let the anxiety commence.

I spent most of the day petrified that my cycle would be canceled because of the Cyst.

I headed in to work, and tried to stay positive. I had a dermatology appointment at noon, so that would be a nice distraction, right?

Except I get in there, and my doc wants to remove a mole from my back. She doesn't like the one little dark spot in the center. So, she slices, dices, and drops it in a jar. And then SHOWS ME. She put it right in my face. Good thing I don't have a sensitive stomach! She then said, "Oh, I hope that didn't make you sick! It's just a mole in a jar!"

Just a mole in a jar??! Oh, that's all? I have a ton of those around my house! No worries, I'm used to looking at moles in jars!

I'm pretty sure it won't be anything serious, as I've had other moles removed in the past and nothing ever came of those. But there's always that chance, right?

After the appointment, I head to Sam's. Buster and I are having my parents and grandparents over for dinner tonight. And I'm stressed. My parents and grandparents have a strained relationship, so that throws some awkwardness into the night. Plus, it's my first time ever hosting a dinner party. I'm a little on edge, to say the least.

I drop a pretty penny at Sam's getting a beef tenderloin, a tub of blue cheese crumbles, and some red grapes. Then I decide that I should just head home at this point, due to lack of storage space in the refrigerator at work.

When I get home, I immediately start in on my to-do list. Cleaning, cooking, etc. Buster and I are both stressed and grumpy, and are snapping at each other left and right. Not fun.

I hadn't heard from my clinic by 5:00, so I email them to make sure they received the faxed results from my RE's office. They respond and say they did receive the fax, and will be calling me shortly.

At 5:30 my phone rings, and it's the study coordinator (who I will refer to as "M"). My stomach is in a tightly-wound knot at this point.

"Everything looks good. You have already ovulated, and we are ready to proceed with your frozen embryo transfer."

Um, what?

It's noteworthy to mention that M has an accent. Not an incredibly thick accent, but a slight accent. Sometimes it takes me just a second to figure out what was just said. This time it took me about 30 seconds.

I asked him to repeat himself.

According to my hormone levels, it appears that I have ovulated. I tried to write down my numbers, but I was in too much shock to do it properly.

The transfer is slated for Tuesday. TUESDAY! Holy shit.

M told me to start up on the Prometrium and Dexamethasone again, as well as continue the baby aspirin. I go back in for blood work on Monday, and after that I will get more details regarding time of transfer.

I then mentioned the fact that this is only CD11 for me. Is it odd that I've ovulated so early? He said that sometimes it just happens this way, and that they don't care when I ovulate, just as long as my hormone levels are where they need to be (which they are). Oh.

And then I ask about the Cyst, since he didn't bring it up. They are not concerned about the Cyst at all. He said it is common with women undergoing IVF, and it will likely just disappear on its own, eventually. Phew. All that worrying for nothing.

After we hung up, I cried. Emotional basketcase? Yep.

I was mentally preparing myself for a transfer on Friday. Tuesday isn't that much earlier than Friday, but enough to throw me off. This is why IVF is rough on a control freak like myself.

All evening long, I was dwelling on this transfer. I was feeling scared. Excited too, but mostly scared.

Over dinner, I asked Buster if he thought it was weird that I'm so freaked out by the transfer happening so soon. He said yes, and that he thinks I should be excited, not scared.

Hmm, perhaps he's right?

As the night progressed, I started feeling more at peace with a Tuesday transfer. I woke up this morning feeling great about it.

Today I decide to email my clinic to get the exact numbers from my blood draw. Here is what they were yesterday, on CD11:

• Estrogen: 214
• Progesterone: 2
• LH: 6

Yeah, I thought the progesterone seemed a bit low, too.

I've been googling all morning. Most charts say that your progesterone should be < 1.5 prior to ovulation. And at 7dpo, it should be > 15. And that a progesterone level of >5 shows ovulation.

Well, shit.

Where does that leave me?? Did I ovulate the morning of my ultrasound/blood work? Have I not ovulated yet? Was that cyst/ovary/thing with echoes in it really just the empty follicle (corpus luteum) that previously housed my ovulated egg?

I'm stressing over this number. M said my levels were good, and that my estrogen was high enough that I can forego the Estrace this cycle.

But what if I really haven't ovulated yet? What happens if the FET is a couple days before it should be? Is that ruining my chances of it being successful?

I've emailed my clinic my concerns, and hope to hear back from them soon. I went from scared, to excited, to where I am now: a nervous wreck.

I want to just let go and have faith in my clinic. But everything I'm reading online makes me think my progesterone levels should be higher.

With all of the evidence presented here (ultrasound, hormone levels, etc), what is your opinion? I'd love to hear it!

I will update once I hear from my clinic regarding the low progesterone.