the ghosts of pregnancy past
I'm not sure how I will get any sleep tonight.
Tomorrow morning at 9:30 a.m. is my first ultrasound of this pregnancy. Today I am exactly 7 weeks pregnant.
I wish I could write about how excited I am for tomorrow. How I am so certain we are going to have good news. How I can't wait to see my baby on the screen.
But that would all be bullshit.
I'm scared to death.
I will be back in the ultrasound room where we got the news that our first pregnancy was no longer viable.
That room haunts me. I can still hear the voice of the ultrasound tech telling me that she couldn't find a heartbeat. The ghosts of pregnancy past.
Will these ghosts ever leave me? I know I'm early in my current pregnancy. Perhaps if things move along swimmingly, and I make it to the second trimester, to the third trimester, maybe then? Or maybe their presence will slowly start to ebb away, but never completely disappear?
I really, really hope I have good news to post tomorrow.
Tomorrow morning at 9:30 a.m. is my first ultrasound of this pregnancy. Today I am exactly 7 weeks pregnant.
I wish I could write about how excited I am for tomorrow. How I am so certain we are going to have good news. How I can't wait to see my baby on the screen.
But that would all be bullshit.
I'm scared to death.
I will be back in the ultrasound room where we got the news that our first pregnancy was no longer viable.
That room haunts me. I can still hear the voice of the ultrasound tech telling me that she couldn't find a heartbeat. The ghosts of pregnancy past.
Will these ghosts ever leave me? I know I'm early in my current pregnancy. Perhaps if things move along swimmingly, and I make it to the second trimester, to the third trimester, maybe then? Or maybe their presence will slowly start to ebb away, but never completely disappear?
I really, really hope I have good news to post tomorrow.
I really, really, really, really, really hope tomorrow is a wonderful happy day full of good news! I'll be thinking about you and sending good thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteDitto to Meg!!!
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine how nervous you are. I was nervous for every ultrasound through the second trimester and I was fortunate enough to have never experienced a loss.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and hoping it will be THE greatest news!
So hoping for good news! And hoping you have some peace between now and then!!
ReplyDeleteSending you lots of good thoughts today...
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of you tomorrow and so anxious to hear wonderful news of the little heart beat that could. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteI'll be thinking positive thoughts and vibes your way! I haven't experienced a loss and I'm still terrified at every u/s, so I can only imagine what you're going through...be strong!
ReplyDeleteI'll be thinking positive thoughts and vibes your way! I haven't experienced a loss and I'm still terrified at every u/s, so I can only imagine what you're going through...be strong!
ReplyDeleteI am crossing fingers and toes for you. I'm similarly petrified for mine on Wed, even though we've seen the hb once. Until I have a baby in my arms, I'll continue to be haunted. Sending you big hugs.
ReplyDeleteUgh, I'm feeling the same way. I've never been pregnant before but I feel terrified by how it call all end at any moment. I have a scan tomorrow too. Hopefully this feeling will be replaced with joy and hope again.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you.
Hoping and praying tomorrow brings you great joy and peace.
ReplyDeleteI can't wait to read about the babe's little beating heart tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteHugs.
I don't think the ghosts leave us. I'm in the 3rd tri now and still haunted by that damn miscarriage. Hoping and praying for the day when I have THIS baby in my arms and am able to say that without the miscarriage I would never have THIS baby and that I am grateful...not there yet, but hopefully one day!
ReplyDeleteGood luck on the ultrasound tomorrow! Every ultrasound is nervewracking once you've had a bad one!
I hope for the sweet sight and sound of a little baby heart. I know how scary it is. I think we are now programmed to expect the worst, which sucks. But there is a good chance you will leave that appointment with happiness in your heart. I will be thinking of you and hoping you receive wonderful news. Hang in there!
ReplyDeletePraying everything goes well! After recieving news like that it does change your outlook unfortunately. Im still always worried lol. Good luck sweetie! Ill be stalking for an update!
ReplyDeleteGood luck tomorrow! Mine's tomorrow too and I'm extremely nervous. I hope we both have good news!
ReplyDeleteFingers crossed for a great appt tomorrow. Sending hugs and happy thoughts your way!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you as always <3 wish we were closer and could do a decaf java ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping for you too. Fingers crossed for great news!!
ReplyDeletethinking of you and sending so much love for good news tomorrow
ReplyDeleteHoping tomorrow goes great!
ReplyDeleteOne day at a time, and so far so good are my mantras.
Thinking of you and hoping so much for good news tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteThinking of you....Here's to good news tomorrow!
ReplyDeletehoping your scan has gone fab-ly and exorcises the last time you were there
ReplyDeleteI've been thinking of you often! I'm praying for good news today!!! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you! Prayers for a wonderful ultrasound today!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you this morning!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you and hoping everything is going just perfectly!
ReplyDeleteThinking of you today.
ReplyDelete