Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Infertile women of merit; or my reaction to a reaction

Infertility hurts. I realize that this is not a news flash, but I'm putting out there that I know how much it hurts. How it completely and utterly rips you apart. Emotionally. Physically. It's damaging not only to your mental health, but to the relationships you hold most dear.

Like many infertiles, I cringe when I hear a pregnancy announcement. I rant and rave when that announcement is by a crackhead, a teenager, or someone who doesn't want a baby. Pregnancy announcements have left me in tears, they have left me angry, they have left me speechless.

When Michelle Duggar became pregnant with #19, my bitterness caused me to say some inappropriate things. After all, she already had 18 babies. I just want one. The Gods of Fertility are cruel, and I did not appreciate their sense of humor.

Fast-forward 18 months, and this time around I feel quite differently about the Duggar's latest pregnancy announcement for #20.

Have I matured as an infertile? Perhaps.

But more than that, I think I've really accepted my place in this world, as an infertile. 18 months ago, I thought that maybe I was just unlucky. I wasn't ready to label myself "infertile" quite yet. Today, however, I am not ashamed to say I'm infertile. Because, well, I am. This is me and my life, and I am doing my best to deal with it. Doing my best to come out in one piece on the other side. Baby in arms.

And because I have fully accepted my role as infertile, I hate to see other infertiles dragging our reputation and character through the mud. Yes, we all have bitterness, anger, and hurt due to the lot we've been dealt. Pregnancy announcements of any sort sting.

But resorting to juvenile name-calling and mud-slinging is beneath us, ladies. We are still women of merit, after all.

Don't let infertility turn you into someone you don't want to be; someone you wouldn't want your future children to emulate.

Here are some screenshots of my inspiration for this post. These are all posted on the 999 Reasons to Laugh at Infertility Facebook page's comment about Michelle Duggar:

And a few of the responses that have irritated me:


  1. Hi, here from Stirrup.
    I really like this post. I think it shows maturity and level-mindness. Yes, the Duggars and their 20th child is something quite extraordinary and worthy to talk about, but even if you don't agree with their views on life, it doesn't mean that you have to get offensive. And for the record, I do not agree with their views on life, but it is their life and they decide, so what I think is of no relevance to them. :-)
    Anyway, as I was saying, your attitude is very grown-up and wise, very mother-like, which I hope you are soon. I wish the upcoming FET is successful and you get your heart's desire.
    Good luck!


  2. Amazing post! I was one of the people on there defending her decision to have more children. This was followed by me hiding this particular post on facebook for the fact that people were so ANGRY and if you didnt say anything anti Duggar then you were getting the wrath of p.o 'd woman.

  3. In fact the comment you have posted above (with 8 likes) was a woman yelling at me for saying Mrs Duggar has a right to choose what is best for her family and maybe we shouldnt be so judgemental of her in such a hateful way.

  4. It scares me sometimes how angry and bitter infertiles can be, and sometimes I worry about becoming one of those bitter people. We all have moments of bitterness, that's natural when going through what we're going through, but how we act on that bitterness (if we act on it at all) is what truly matters. It makes me sad to see women acting that way.

  5. I would rather see the duggars have a 21st child than a lot of people I've met have a second child. They provide for their family with out needing the assistance of the government, their children are kind, respectful and well educated. I've stopped reading STFU Fertiles Blog and 999 reasons to laugh because of the responses I see IF girls give, it makes me sad. I also feel like I can even announce my pregnancy on FB because of the extreme reactions I've seen on these sites... Its sad infertility has soured so many to the joy of life just because its not "their" life.

  6. Ok so I totally know I live under a rock, I found out about Kim K's wedding and divorce from blog and now the Duggars. I'll blame it on a full courseload of 5 classes and studying to get into a decent nursing program. I wish her a happy and healthy pregnancy just like I do everyone else that's pregnant.


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