when eyes can't look at you any other way
I have mixed emotions in regards to telling friends about our infertility struggles. Many of them already know, and have offered some jaw-droppingly amazing advice. Ok, the last part of the previous sentence was dripping in sarcasm.
But now I feel that when they look at us, they feel pity. They look at us with their fertile eyes and feel bad that we have not yet conceived. I'm not really sure what I was hoping for when I told them of our struggles. Sympathy? Pity? I don't really think so. I guess I just wanted to be sure that they knew that it's not so easy for everyone.
In the past week, two of the couples in our "group" have had babies. I am beyond thrilled for them! But I can't help the fact that it makes me jealous and wistful. And that results in feelings of guilt. TTC is a vicious cycle.
Did you tell your friends about your struggles with TTC? If so, are you happy you told them?
I only told a select few. I told my sister-in-law who is also a labor and delivery nurse, so she had good input. I also told one other friend who I knew had another friend dealing with if. I chose not to tell anyone else for the fact that everytime we spoke or got together I did not want them to give me the sad eyes, or feel bad for me, or look at me like "I want to ask how it's going, but I can't bring it up." I didn't tell anyone that we were seeking IF treatment until after we got pregnant and through the 1st trimester. I don't mind that they know I have pcos and had to struggle..I just didn't want them knowing during my struggle. If that makes sense.
ReplyDeleteI told a few but not many really understood until I started blogging and sharing what we were REALLY dealing with. Even though I'm really open about it, I don't enjoy talking about it with people who haven't been through it. It was really important for me to help others have more awareness and understanding of what infertility is. That being said I still have to brace myself when I feel a question coming on from a fertile friend or family member.
ReplyDeleteWe are very open to our friends and family about our struggles. I am such a bad liar that I don't think I could have it any other way. They would know that something was up. I also like to tell people so that people begin to understand that infertility is a reality for some couples. I feel like I was so naive at the beginning and I really wish I had had some idea that this was out there and could realistically happen to us.
ReplyDeleteWe didn't tell anyone until our first IVF in Jan 09 and that was just our parents. Looking back I wish I would have told a few others because when we finally did there was a lot of weight off our shoulders. I never wanted people to feel sorry for me but the remarks that some people say made me angry and I ended up putting it back on them and making them feel uncomfortable which wasn't right either. I think if you know you have the support just get it out or it bottles up and one day you explode and spill it in the wrong way.
ReplyDeleteI told my very close friends at first but lately I'm too open I feel. I've told some of the girls at work, I really shouldn't though. My best friend knows that I've been having trouble and that this is my first month on Clomid but other than that I haven't told too many people. Everyone knows how badly I want to be a mom though, that's something I just can't hide. Even at my part time job, customers pick up on that (work at children's store). I wish I could tell my mom but I just can't handle telling her and I don't think my bf would like her knowing. That's why I love TWW, so many people to relate to. I feel like people look at me like I'm broken. :(
ReplyDeleteWe did, and so it made it all the more bitter when we were told that a family member, who became pregnant with twins, lied to us and said it was 'on accident'. They just wanted it to seem easy, I guess, when they knew how long we'd been waiting. But, i found, that anytime you say anything about it, your just called jealous, so I only talk about ttc in funny terms and make jokes out of it.
ReplyDeleteHappy ICLW. I have told a very small group of friends about our IF struggles. Most of them don't say anything about it or ever bring it up so *shrugs* I hope your 2ww is going by quickly.
ReplyDeleteI am sorry this is so hard.
ReplyDeleteI do tell my friends, but do not always give a lot of information. I find for me it helps to give some explanation for why I am doing certain things (not drinking, not being able to go out of town). Only my really close friends get all the details.
I told a few people at first and I'm glad I did.... even though they've also given some 'wonderful' advice.
ReplyDeleteI'm happy that I told some people, but others I wish I hadn't said anything! Even though some people have really idiotic things to say, I do appreciate their support.
ReplyDeleteI feel you on the jealousy & guilt.
We have shared with only a handful of people. We are kind of in the same boat as you right now...debating whether to share more. My husband and I have talked about just being open with everyone about our infertility but that takes a lot of courage. Do what feels right for you and your husband.
ReplyDeleteWe didn't tell many Now that we're pg, we're kinda peeved when friends think that we've finally gotten with the program... yeesh...
ReplyDeleteICLW
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